【中商原版】意义的追寻：转化哀恸的最终关键 港台原版 大卫．凯斯乐 时报出版 mobi 下载 网盘 caj lrf pdf txt 阿里云

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以心理分析的术语来说，生命回顾指的是人生的最后阶段所经历的一种进过程。在此过程中，老年人通常会重新审视、评估并寻求接纳自我，自觉地处理过去未解的冲突。

研究人员发现，受访者描述自己单身原因的方式大相径庭。快乐的老年单身人士表示自己从来就不想要结婚，他们为自己的人生负责，并对生命中其他取代婚姻的社交联系感到满意。

这在从未结婚的族群身上尤其明显，朋友、家族、社群的往来使他们能够抵御偏见，自信自己没有“错失”人生。而那些不快乐的老年单身人士将自己的关系状态归咎于外在环境例如，从未找到“对的人”、健康因素、阻碍自己约会交往的家庭责任等。

尽管婚姻未必能给他带来安全感，亚当仍然害怕年老未婚。他的感受值得我们深思，为什么这些恐惧如此难以消散呢？

有证据显示，这不单纯是身体方面的忧虑，而且是一种铭刻于童年时期的情感忧虑。成长过程中，我们已经习惯有许多同朋友的陪伴。在幼儿园、学校，甚至大学中，我们周围总有同岭小伙伴和为我们提供保护和照顾的人。当我们离开校园，逐渐走上不同的人生路途，进入社交强度较低、保护变少的成人世界，当我们离开同侪及保护角色时，寻找伴侣的欲望就达到了黃峰。

yet we still live in a society where singles, especially in advanced adulthood, are urged to couple up or otherwise face prejudice. In one study for example, one thousand undergraduate students were asked to list characteristics they associated with married and single individuals Married individuals were referred to as mature, happy, kind, honest,and loving. Conversely, singles were perceived as immature, insecure,self-centered, unhappy, lonely, and even ugly.

These stereotypes hurt both singles and couples. Singles-whetherthey are divorced, windowed, or never-married-clearly sufer in the most overt way. But this does not mean married people fare much better. The same stereotypes often pressure individuals to marry despite uncertainty over being ready for such a big commitment or doubt...

This situation creates a cognitive dissonance among the unmarriedpopulation. Many singles stated in interviews that they are looking tomarry someone; but from what they told me, they don't behave thatway. Existing cultural and social values pressure people to say theywould be happy to marry, but their everyday dating and relationshipdecisions indicate otherwise. They raise the threshold for a potentialpartner to almost impossible standards, as if to say they need an exceptional argument to stop going solo. It seems society is still in denialabout the fact that times are changing, and that there is a rumble underthe age-old institution of marriage

In the following sections, I discuss eight major mechanisms underlying the changing status of marriage: (1)demographic changes,(2) changes in women's roles, (3)risk aversion in an age of divorce,(4)economics, consumerism, and capitalism, (5)shifts in religiosity,（6）popular culture and the media, (7)urbanization, and(8)immigration. These eight categories are neither exhaustive nor independentand are liable to interact with and affect each other. The main point,however, is that such forces act simultaneously, making the rise in sin-glehood a real and sustainable trend, perhaps even unstoppable. Thecombination of these forces is so powerful that it seems time for us toface reality, embrace the trend, and start paving a way to an age of bappysinglehood.

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